Thanksgiving

A day late, but here I am getting ready to go back to school already, and I have’t even really taken the time to appreciate everything that I have.

Family:

Yes, we drive each other crazy. Yes, we yell a lot. Yes, we are all really weird. But sometimes, it all seems to click together. Even after everything, we can all sit down and have a pleasant dinner together. Ever since E. and I both went off to college, it’s been rare that all four of us are together for a long period of time. And now that he’s in law school and I’m not in the dorms anymore, neither of us go home as much as we used to.

I need to appreciate my family more. I should call home more, and not be so short tempered.

Friends:

You are always there for me. It’s nice to know that I always have people that will always listen to me complain, giggle over stupid things I do, eat with me, and whatever else we do. But most of all, you accept me for who I am.

I need to be as good of a friend to others as they are to me.

School, health, other random stuff:

I guess in general, I could be more appreciative of things in general. As much as I complain about it, I’m getting a great education. And sometimes, I really enjoy it too. For the most part, I’m pretty healthy, and I shouldn’t take that for granted. I need to not abuse my body so much. Sleep more, exercise more, and eat better.

The usual thanks I suppose. I’m pretty lucky to have the people that I do in my life.

So. Berkeley tomorrow, bright and early in the morning. Enjoy some football, maybe relax and watch some TV before hitting the books. Hard.

It’s been a relaxing two days Cupertino. See you on the other side.

Two Is Better Than One

Since November 29, 2009, there’s been a draft of a blog that I wrote with this same title.  I finally went back and looked it over, and there are some interesting quotes from my friends in there.

You’ve really grown up these past two years.

This one was unexpected, because I don’t usually hear that from people.  It really got me thinking about how college had changed me, and in a good way.  I’m not the same scared little teenager that I was two years ago.  I know what I want in life (kind of ), and I’m doing it on my own terms.  I’ve learned how to take care of myself, and how to manage on my own.  And perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned to trust myself a little more.

You need to find some nice guy to take care of you.

At the time, I just rolled my eyes because it was just so weird considering who it was coming from.  I laughed it off and said that I was fine on my own, that I wasn’t some fragile thing needing protection from the world.

It’ll come when you least expect it.

This was from some  late night chat full of analyzing past relationships and crushes, me complaining about being single, and laughing about past stupidity.  All I can say is, she was right.

Funny how drastically things can change in a few months.  And funny how the things I was so upset about back then are all but forgotten now.  Well, some of them at least.

Oh life.

I baked lots of cookies today and made people happy.  Which made me happy.  Yay! :)

Smiles galore!

Well, I guess I’m really 20 now aren’t I?  How weird is that!  Even though it isn’t that interesting of an age to turn, there’s just something so old sounding about it.  Anyway, this was one of the happiest birthdays I’ve had in a while, and I love my friends!

I was pleasantly surprised that some of my friends actually read my blog, and I got some really sweet and thoughtful gifts from them.  Some of them also came to surprise me at midnight, and I’m sure there will be amusing pictures of that for all to see.  It was so nice just going to dinner, hanging out, catching up on how the start of school has been, everything!

Ahhh I feel like I’m not giving enough credit to how wonderful of a day I really had, but it really was such a good day.  All the calls, emails, facebook posts (haha), texts, hugs made me realize how lucky I am.  And made me miss some of you too!

Well, I’ve spent most of the basking in happiness, but I should get back down to business hm?  It’s okay though, some of you have told me that things are on the way for me in the mail, so I’ll be expecting some bursts of happiness in the near future.  Lovelovelovelovelove you all :)

Dance Your Life Away

This weekend has just been all kinds of wonderful.  On Thursday, I skipped rehearsal (heh) to go home early and watch the New Moon premier as part of G.’s birthday present!  Making t-shirts, flipping through magazines, catching up on life, squealing about Taylor Lautner’s abs, and just being really girly was a nice change of pace from school.  And then I slept over at her house and we talked until 5 or 6 am, which was really nice.  I love love love how I can go home and visit one of my best friends!

Friday, I sadly had to stay in and do my physics homework, but it was nice having the house to myself and being able to sing obnoxiously loudly, take a really long shower, and play piano kind of badly.  My dad took me out to dinner which was amazing.  Seriously, the food is one of the best parts about going home.  My mom was at a convention in Vegas, so I missed seeing her.  But at the same time, it was nice to just hang out with my dad and let him take care of me and watch tv.

SATURDAY.  BIG GAME DAY.  A. was nice enough to drive our lovely group of seven over to Stanford.  Yeahhhhh 15 minute road trip!  As usual, we got there super early, but that’s just because we’re awesome fans.  What can I say?  Best football game I have ever been too, and a great last game of the season to watch.  My voice actually got hoarse by the end, which rarely ever happens because I guess I just have strong vocal chords!  But to sum it up: Bears dominated, we stormed their field, our band rocks and is way more classy, picture with Bryan Anger, and basking in the glory of winning.  Oh, and In-N-Out and singing in the car on the way home.  Hehehe you guys are the best.

And here I am, back in my dorm room.  But this is nice.  Everything is how it always is, E. and C. working, me wasting time on the computer, and J. visiting C.   Haha ohhh how predictable we all are.

I love happy weekends.  And I will be back home in another few days to see you all for Thanksgiving!

No more sorrow/We might not be here tomorrow/So just live for the moment/And dance your life away.

Beautiful World

Today was a lovely day.  Some MV kids were here at Berkeley and I really randomly saw them while walking to my 8am class and got to see  S. for like two seconds!  Hehe.  And then I went to work out, which also tends to make me feel happy and productive!  And then I went to run some trials for lab, which was kind of fun this time.  And then I curled up in bed and caught up on a bunch of tv.  And then and then and then ugh my brain is so dead I can’t even start sentences.  It was just so sunny and pretty today that I couldn’t help but smile throughout the day!  I love sunshine.

So I’ve realized lately that my friends and I seem to have developed a running joke about “finding a nice Berkeley boy” for me.  I think it all started when I started complaining about how my mom likes dropping not-so-subtle hints about how I should look for a smart Chinese boy to date.  I suppose it’s only natural for her to bug me about this…and at least it’s a constant source of amusement and speculation for us.

A few weekends ago when C. came up for the USC game (Damn it, why do two of my best friends have names starting with C. hahaha) we were discussing my requirements for boys.  Apparently I was including everyone in this conversation as well, but that’s a story for another time.  We all like having our expectations for potential significant others, but sometimes I just wonder-who am I to be so choosy?  Why can’t I just have a completely open mind?  Something that kind of struck me when I was watching tv the other day:

“Describe your ideal woman.”

“Well I could describe her until the cows come home.  But the real question is whether or not I’m her ideal man.” –Lie To Me

Change the pronouns and there you have it.  I should stop thinking so much and just wait and see what life throws at me.  Who knows, maybe someday love will find its way around to me again.

So…any single Berkeley boys you would like to recommend?  JUST KIDDING!!!!!  The caffeine and sleep deprivation is finally getting to me.  Late shifts are so unhealthy.  I don’t even know why I am writing this pointless thing at work when it’s almost 3am and I just want my shift to be over so I can stagger upstairs into my bed.  Hahaha okay seriously I think this stopped making sense a long time ago.  Toodles!

I lie, I pretend ‘til I’m almost certain

It’s a beautiful world

I lie, I pretend ‘til I’m almost certain  it’s a beautiful world.

Open Up Your Eyes

Don’t you hate it when things make so much sense in your head, but as soon as you try and tell someone it just sounds lame?

This happens to me all the time.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Even talking to C. today, I stopped in the middle and was just thought, “Dude Andrea you sound like a total idiot.”  And he’s one of my best friends!  I can’t even phrase things correctly when I’m talking to someone who I am completely comfortable with.  So here I am trying to sort my mess of a brain out.

I’ve always found it kind of difficult to say that I am happy.  I have such high expectations for myself and tend to just mentally beat myself up if things end up going wrong.  I tend to find some little thing that I’m not satisfied with, something that makes me want to work harder.  True, it’s a good motivator, but I think this has also caused me way too much stress and unhappiness in my life.

More recently, I’ve found myself being more optimistic and just happier in general.  True, I still let some of the little things get to me, but I think not as much as before.  For all three of my midterms so far this year, I’ve tried to think positively and tell myself that my hard studying will pay off, which I think has done wonders for me.  I mean, I still stress out, but I’ve gotten rid of the whole “I’m going to fail” mindset and am trying to think more in the way of “everything will work itself out.”  It sounds simple, and C. has been telling me for years, but I guess it never really sunk in until now.  Maybe it’s because I no longer have that crutch of having one person that I can always rely on to reassure me.  Okay fine, I definitely had my share of freak outs before midterms last year, but this year I feel like I’ve just been a lot more calm about being stressed out.

So long story short, I am happy.  Some of it is due to the fact that I am now the “optimistic mom” figure in my room.  Some of it is due to the fact that my parents are starting to really trust my decision making skills and let me make my own way in life and having faith in me and supporting me more than they ever have.  And a huge part of it is that after all this time, I finally get what C. has been trying to get me to understand all along.  Thanks.  It’s kind of nice knowing that a good part of somebody I respect so much has rubbed off on me a bit.

So glad that I got to see one of my favorite people this weekend, but now it’s back to the daily grind.  Berkeley, please be kind to me, I like you more than you know hahaha.

And all the peace you could never find is waiting there to hold and keep you.

In Between The Lines

Quotes and short descriptions of the week.

• Too much plant bio.  ”Emily, we’re eating petiole!”  Except this showed up on our midterm, so win for us.
• “Oh oops sorry I forgot.”  Why Mommy didn’t call me back.
• Sentence from reading experiment in SE Lab.  ”I will become fat and lazy from sitting.”
• My roommate’s friend upon entering our room: “I’m opening your window.  It smells like despair in here.”
• C. came up to visit!  Bears and Trojans can still get along, even after a terrible loss.  ”I am quite fond of you.”
• New contacts so I can actually see correctly!
• Moon cake from Mommy, delivered to me by my lovely roommate E.

Screaming to the stars just to feel alive, maybe one more chance and we’ll get it right.

Looking ahead

As weird as it is, I am actually looking forward to fall semester.

I mean, yes it definitely sucks that I did not  get to spend as much time at home as I would have liked to this summer, and yes there are many things I wanted to do and didn’t, and yes there are people that I feel like I have grown apart from, but what’s done is done.  Summer school is over, summer is ending, and fall is coming.

There’s something about this semester that just makes me excited.  I think it’s mostly the fact that I feel more comfortable in Berkeley than I did last year, and I’m ready to try new things and go for what I want.  Last year I was just a scared, shy little first year.  With a year under my belt, maybe I will be able to fulfill some of the goals that I have made for myself.  There are so many opportunities here, and I feel like I should start to take advantage of them.

I am somewhat excited for classes because I will finally be taking a biology class again after four years.  Even if it’s plant bio.  Physics scares me, but maybe Birdsong will do some good.  Music I’m sure I will enjoy, and choir will be choir.  Hm what am I missing.  Whatever.  I am excited.  And I am happy that I have a job and I will not feel so guilty for being such an expensive child because my measly paychecks will make me feel good.

Also, I feel like things are different when we are all at school.  We appreciate each other more, and when we see each other we realize just why we are still friends.  It makes me wonderfully happy.

But just so I don’t get too far ahead of myself, here’s to a wonderful end to summer 2009.

List

Things I would like to accomplish in the near future:

May:

• Do well on finals.  I guess I really need to focus on chem and classics, which makes me a feel a tiny bit better.
• Have fun at home before summer session starts.  Private school and other Cal kids, yay!
• Visit Monta Vista?  Perhaps, perhaps.
• I really want to go to San Diego but the parents are not big on this idea.  But there are two people there that I really really would love to visit and more people that would be fun to visit.  Haha.
• Bike and go the YMCA a lot while I’m home.  I want to be fit again and not feel like a fatass.  Just because I haven’t gained a huge amount of weight doesn’t mean I’m still fit.  Too bad.

June:

• Hangouts with quarter system kids before summer session starts.
• Reorganize everything in my room at home.  I feel like I need to tie up loose ends and put things in place.  Otherwise, I feel like a little kid again whenever I go home.  We’ll see about this one.
• Learn how to cook so I don’t starve because I’m living in an apartment for the summer.  I do not want to live off of cereal, pasta, and sandwiches.  I guess I know how to make omelets…and bake a few things.

July:

• Work my butt off and own my classes.  Puahaha.
• Go home and hang out with friends once in a while because I don’t have classes on Fridays!
• Convince people to come visit me in Berkeley.

And that is all I have the energy to think about because anything beyond summer makes me an official second year which is really strange.  Sometimes when I’m walking around Berkeley I feel like everything is still too new to me.  Actually I think part of that is because this is my first spring in Berkeley and I love spring and green leaves and flowers and other things.

But I do not like pollen.

Okay friends.  We should learn how to cook together and you should all come to Berkeley in the summer so I can cross some things off my list.

Spring

It’s been sunny and nice the past few days and it is really making me look forward to Spring Break!  Even though I have two midterms and an eight page paper due the week I get back, I’m excited to get to see most of my friends and go home.  Can you believe I haven’t been home in three weeks?  That’s a pretty long time for me.

It’s weird, sometimes I feel like I go home too much, but then isn’t that one of the main reasons I chose Berkeley?  I don’t know.  But not going home for a while makes me look forward to it so much more!  My bed, my bathroom, my washing machine…ohhh the things I miss.  Or maybe it’s just because I’m a widdle freshman and still need some home loving.  Righto.

Speaking of choosing schools, college acceptances are coming out!  Tis the season for both joy and sadness.  I am excited for my 09 friends, but also feel really weird because they’ve always felt like my little siblings to some extent, and now they’re all grown up!  Time really does fly doesn’t it?

Anyway, I am doing my best to avoid outlining my paper (how am I going to write eight pages arguing something about Greek myth?!) so I’m kind of just rambling on here.

Hm.  You know my life is kind of sad when I get locked out of my room and decide to call my mom while I’m waiting to be let in.  Just kidding, I love my mommy.  She loves my grammar.  Harhar!