Shit.

Rough summary of my night:

Good chat with a friend=yay

Girl talk with the roomies=lots of laughing and screaming

Email from an old friend=awww

Finally hearing back from two positions I applied for=excited squealing and phone calls

Realizing that it’s 1am and I have a 2 page paper to write=sad face

Getting an email about something that happened at work=shit. fuck. FUCK.

Seriously, why?! I am one of the few people that actually takes my job really seriously. I actually match faces to IDs, I make people sign in, I keep an eye out for things, and people tend to hate me for it. I’m the Nazi SM. And it only takes on stupid freaking resident to slip through and I’m fucked. Yeah, I messed up. But FUCK, why couldn’t it have been someone on my staff who doesn’t give a crap about the job?

There go my hopes of applying to be an SC.

It is now 2am and I have still to begin my paper.

Ugh, I kind of want to cry.

Awesome timing

I’m really upset that I’m sick right now.

I can’t focus enough to study for my physics midterm tomorrow, I’m still behind on stuff for my research lab, and I need to study disgusting invertebrates so I can stop failing my bio quizzes.  Not cool.

All I want to do is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep :(

—-

Yeah I realized I’m really whiny when I’m sick.  Sorry.

Wasting more time.

WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE.

Three weeks of school down, and I am completely exhausted.  Why?

• Three weeks, three rejections.
• My bio GSI is kicking my ass.
• Too many “What the hell am I doing with my life?” moments.
• No time.  Everything is school, work, research.  I just want to feel well-rested again!
• It’s winter.

Anyway, I pretty much wasted a huge part of my weekend and I am now super disappointed and frustrated with myself and just want to curl up in my bed and mope.  Except I have so much shit to do for bio because my GSI is insane.  No joke, you should see these handouts she makes for us.  And since she pretty much said we should go to her office hours or she won’t like us, I have to finish tonight so I can actually go to office hours.  Oh, and I have 685 more faces to put reference dots on for my lab.

UGHHHHH okay I am done complaining.

I want to go home :(

Bitch

Hey Andrea, why don’t you stop being a bitch now?

Okay, good idea.

I’m home, there’s good and bad, and I need to stop getting irritated about the bad.

But one last time- limited driving privileges, a curfew for the first time in my life, and too many people in one house.  Kind of not cool.

Happy face on.

My house is 53 degrees

I don’t feel like finding a song to fit my mood right now.  Because usually I pick song titles for my titles and use the lyrics somewhere but I don’t think anybody really notices or cares and I don’t know why I started doing it anyway, so screw that.  Okay that was a bad run-on.

Today, I had to go get a vaccination.  When I left the house, I somehow managed not to close the door properly.  The alarm went off, the police came to my house, and my mother had to drop everything she was doing and rush home to deal with that.  Definitely not my brightest moment.  And now my arm is sore from that damn shot.

Sigh…holidays.  I love Christmas carols and shopping and buying gifts for people.  But I hate crowds and finding parking and waiting in line.  I love cutesy movies and snuggling with blankets.  But watching cutesy movies alone is pathetic.  My family was never really big on Christmas, and now that my brother and I are older, we don’t put up our fake tree, we don’t open presents together as a family, we didn’t even put up lights on our house this year.  Bah humbug.  But my brother and I decided to bake cookies and decorate them, so maybe that will be fun.

It’s late, I am getting cranky and whiny, and the shooting sounds of my brother playing Modern Warfare 2 are pissing me off.  This is why I should not spend too much time alone in front of my tv.

Unopened Letter to the World

This has happened twice in the past two days, so I’m irked enough to write about it and get it out of my system.

I am sick and tired of people from high school only knowing me as “Colin’s girlfriend.”  We broke up over a year ago and it still happens all the time.  I was more than just some boy’s girlfriend.  I was in marching band.  I was in wind ensemble.  I was in Ariosas.  I was in Variations.  I was a roll caller at graduation.  I ran a season of cross country.  I played badminton.  I have accomplishments to my own name, and yet people still only know me in terms of him.

And also, sometimes people see me and ask, “How’s Colin?”  Oh okay, how about you ask about me first before jumping to him?  Don’t get me wrong, he’s still one of my best friends and I talk to him all the time.  But seriously?  Seriously?

Sometimes, I like to think that I matter in this world.  And then things like this happen and I feel like a fly.

This happens to me so much more than it does for him.  It’s not fair.  And I know you’ll be reading this sometime, so please don’t be offended because it’s not your fault in any way.  It just makes me feel so…insignificant.

Okay I’m done whining.

On random notes of parchment I’m scrawling my existence.

Sicky

I absolutely hate being sick.

Okay, I know nobody enjoys being sick, but why do I feel like I always get sick at the worst times?!  LAME.

I slept from 1pm to about 630pm today and basically got up to pee or take Tylenol.  I feel like crap, look like crap, and sound like crap.  At least I’m in a slightly better mood because my mom actually cooked a lot today.  Ever since I left for college, she’s been cooking less and less, but today was nice.  I was super bitter this morning because both my parents were gone and I had to drive myself to some stupid appointment and yeah I’m a whiny little bitch.  Haha.  But just because I can take care of myself when I’m sick doesn’t mean I don’t want someone checking up on me!

WHINEWHINEWHINE.